Empty Room – Empty Life?

Cloudy skies but no rain. An empty room. That is, empty except for me. And my laptop. And my cell phone. And my knitting bag. But empty nevertheless. No visitors today, but that’s okay. It’s quiet and I don’t feel like being sociable today. Not sure what I feel like, but it’s rather like the view from my window. Cars wandering around like ants as if they don’t know where they’re going or why. That’s me. I don’t know where I’m going or why or when.

Waiting . . . learning to be patient? I don’t think so. Learning to accept. Learning to accept that I have no control over this situation and am at the mercy of this disease and medical science to determine my future. Time hangs heavy in this empty room. I wander in my mind like the cars I’m watching, with no sense of direction.

Wandering. Wondering. If I do beat this, what then? Where do I go from here? Will I continue to be like those cars? No. Not like that. There has to be a purpose for my life if it is continued. Direction. Meaning.

Lord, hear my prayer . . . If ever I needed you, I need you now. Help me to hold tight as you carry me through this difficult time. Help me to not forget that YOU are in control and YOU do have a plan and a purpose for my life. I believe – help me in my unbelief.

About loiscochran2020

I am a woman, age 70, who loves life, loves God, lives with and loves her dog and cat and keeps very busy with many different interests. I love to work in the yard, watch the birds, take long walks, sing in the choir, play guitar (not well), spend time with friends and family. I love a sip of red wine pretty regularly and chocolate very often. And, I have very recently been diagnosed with acute mylogenic leukemia.
This entry was posted in ATTITUDE, BLUES, CONTROL, FEAR, LEUKEMIA, PATIENCE, PRAYER, WORRY and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Empty Room – Empty Life?

  1. ceciliag says:

    Hey, this is a sad post.. do you have a glass of red .. right now? Ok grab yourself a red then pop over and visit us at the farmy, I am there every day and I want you to be too.. are those your cats, is that a himilayan? we have one too, he likes to hang out with cows!! that is a great cat shot,.. come on over!! wait I will send you a link too to a post i wrote not long ago about being alone .http://thekitchensgarden.wordpress.com/2011/11/29/the-christmas-mist-alone-on-christmas-day/
    you may hate it and that is ok too.. i am cecilia.. come visit.. .I celi

    • loiscochran2020 says:

      Thanks for your comments, Celi – I wish I had a glass of red right now but I am currently in the hospital and they frown on it 🙂 I did check out your blog about being alone at Christmas – I like the way your write and I could smell that homemade bread! Your current lifestyle sounds appealing -healthy and harmonious. The Persion in my picture has passed and I miss her – she was a sweet little thing and loved to sit in my lap whenever I sat down. The other cat is a young one – three years old and a busy boy. Thanks again for your comments.

  2. ceciliag says:

    So what are you knitting in the nasty hospital, can someone smuggle you in a wee glass of something? When do you get out again? c

    • loiscochran2020 says:

      I’m in until a day or so before Christmas – treating for Leukemia. I’ll have to wait for the wee glass of something until I get home. Then I think I’ll be free for two or three weeks before returning for more treatments. I’d rather be on the farm with you 🙂

  3. ceciliag says:

    The farm is lovely today, cold but sunny. I am just on my way to muck out one of the cow stalls, I do one a day so that I keep up until it freezes again. Leukemia stinks. What a bore. Do the treatments make you feel sick? c

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